Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey......!

Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions....

People have the right to be stupid. Some people abuse that privilege.....

Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over.....

I can only please one person per day. Today isn't your day...and tomorrow don't look good either.....

I see your face when I am dreaming, that's why I always wake up screaming.....

I want to feel your sweet embrace but don't take that paper bag off of your face......

My love, you take my breath away, what have you stepped in,  to smell this way....?

People that don't know me think I'm shy, people that do know me wish I were.,,,,,,

Please don't interupt me while I'm ignoring you......

Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today....?

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people....

Never try to drown your troubles especially if he can swim.....

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.....

By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.....

Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have.....

There are three sides to every argument: your side,my side and the right side.....

 An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.....

SEX is not the answer. SEX is the question and YES is the answer......

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to tell you how I really feel....

I like you, you remind me of when I was young and stupid......

I smile because I have no idea what's going on......

It's not that I'm antisocial, I just don't like you....

Don't follow me, I am lost too....!

Good girls are only Bad girls who did not get caught.....

I refuse to answer that question on the basis that I don't have the answer.....

Gone crazy...bBe back soon......

Each day I get up in the morning praying to God that everyone should get a friend like you...why should only I have to suffer......?

I stopped listening..so why don't you stop talking....?

If you ever want to see a man cry, put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other and make him choose.............

The doctor tells me I'm crazy, but the voices tell me I'm not. and I just don't know which one to believe.....

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your man thinks I am .......

I'm out of my mind right now, but you may leave a message............

I finally feel ready to say those 3 words i've been longing to tell you,  Go To Hell .....

Why does a round pizza come in a square box....?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours....?

I'll never forget the first time we met,  although, I'll keep trying......

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high......

My door is always open for YOU, so feel free to leave......

Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours....?

What are the three fastest ways of communication?  Telephone, television, tell-a-woman....

Don't do it in the garden, love is blind but the neighbors aren't.....

It is difficult to be stupid, competition is huge...

Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.....

If you promise to stop talking I promise to stop making funny faces when you aren't looking.....

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two negatives multiplied together make a positive, so do two wrongs multiplied together make a right.....?

Experience is the worst teacher, it gives the test before presenting the lesson.....

When life gives you lemons, you throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes....

Essays should be like skirts. Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep it interesting...

If your heart were really broken you would be dead, so shut up.....

I dont make mistakes, I date them.....