I am woman, I am invincible....!

I want a man who's kind and understanding.  Is that too much to ask of a millionaire...?

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty-eight and forty...

 The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is....

Women who seek to be equal with men,  lack ambition....

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I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.....

 No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.....

 

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.....

   

 Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography....

I would like it if men had to partake in the same hormonal cycles to which we're subjected monthly.  Maybe that's why men declare war - because they have a need to bleed on a regular basis.....

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.....

 

I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me...!  

Don't cook.  Don't clean.  No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum..

 Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships....

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is.  I don't think it works like that.  I think it's the opposite.  I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become....

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men....

Behind every successful woman... is a substantial amount of coffee....

 The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby....

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling.  In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.  I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it.  I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money...?

Don't accept rides from strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell....

 

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Coincidence?  I think not...! 

Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram?"  Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone....

The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it.  The second time you look to see if the basement has termites.  It's the same with men.....

You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen.  But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing....

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.  Luckily, this is not difficult.....

The old theory was "Marry an older man, because they're more mature."  But the new theory is:  "Men don't mature.  Marry a younger one....."

Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate...?

Women get the last word in every argument.  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument....

 Men get laid, but women get screwed...

Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece....

 Not tonight honey, wait 'til I'm a size 6.......

I got a postcard from my gynecologist.  It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?"  No, but now my mailman does.....

 The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men more....

You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.  All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy.  Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping...
Cindy Crawford